Entering my Jesus Year (33 years old)

So...in less than a half hour (as Im writing this), I will be turning 33 years old.  This, in recent pop culture is being referred to as "The Jesus Year".   I like this term and I find it endearing because I can identify with what its supposed to mean.

I feel like Ive been in this weird limbo.  Not happy with where i am, knowing what I dont want from where Ive been and knowing what I have to do to get where I believe Im called to be.  People have been blogging and taking their Jesus Year in various ways.  The shared theme is that your Jesus Year is the time to manifest what you are....and what you are supposed to be doing with your life.

This is me.  I am bursting with changes that I need to make in my life and up until now, Ive played with it.  But now is really the time to manifest.

And this is with everything in my life....business wise, financially, relationally, spiritually, mentally, physically, everything.

A little bit earlier tonight, I asked myself just what and where do I want to be exactly one year from now.  I thought about it and all the while, I kept telling myself, "This is possible, it is ALL possible."  I have to stop thinking the things I want to birth in my life are most likely not going to happen.  They can happen just because I WANT them to happen.

I've written them down.

I've visualized them.

I've spoken them out loud and to others.

I've planned for them.

Now its time to make them happen.

So yea.  This is my Jesus Year.  I welcome it.  I'm thankful God allowed me to see it.  I'm thankful that Jesus took his own "Jesus Year" seriously.  I want to do the same.

Ok, so I know that anything I plan for can and will change but this is where and what I want to be exactly one year from now.

-fulltime real estate investor

-still happily married to my husband

-newly pregnant with our first child

-all debt paid off

-have celebrated our 9th anniversary in Anguilla

-celebrating my 34th birthday in a posh hotel either in our home city, a chocolate city (Atlanta?), or island (PR or DR?)

-own a puppy

-have a thriving container garden

-still volunteering with the club

-completed(ing) a permaculture design course

-be at least on intermediate strength for lifting

This is kind of a short list, but yea.

*deep breath*  My Jesus Year starts now.

A poem/letter of sorts to my future unborn....

Im not pregnant, but i wrote this back in 2009 and it still applies to how i feel today:







I want to be pregnant
I am so tired of watching people having their babies...baby after baby while I WAIT
I wait and i wait and I wait
Im in such a NON-RUSH that i feel like im going backwards
how much longer do I have to wait
why cant i do the things that will hasten this process?
I hate waiting, i must admit
but Lord, i promise that if i get pregnant, i will cherish that process
Loving the fact that i would be carrying a life inside me, growing everyday
every craving, every mood swing, every inch of growth would be because im bringing a new life into this world
i cant even imagine
i feel like fainting just from the happiness and unbelievability of it
what does it feel like to BE such a vessel?
knowing that every bite of food i eat, every thing that i drink, each second of rest that i get, every breath that i take would be in contribution to growing a human being
WOW
is this just something most women take for granted?
how do they get through the day knowing they carry such an important task?
I would be freaked out about everything
and yet i know that babies grow despite of us
but WOW, to know that you are growing a life....a life.....A NEW LIFE and that in mere months you will bring them into this world...AAAAH, THAT is AWESOME
God is so good to give this ability to us women...and that potentially one day, I COUD BE THAT WOMAN
I will be given that ability to create and grow a life.
To be the incubator of the future
To rub my belly, smile, inwardly speak to my baby and plan. TO PLAN A LIFE!
I know that even the things I do right now are helping to plan and mold that life
but it seems soooo far off,...so unrealistic....i cant wrap my mind around it
all i know is that I want to live a certain life for my babies.
I want to BE there for my babies and that includes shaping my life in such a way that I have the flexibility and ability to do that
and thas why I am waiting
I am waiting to give my babies a brighter day than I had
to give my babies all of me and to show them the world, the way I wish someone had showed me
i know they are waiting on me. I hear them whispering about me when i try to sleep at night
they hover over my womb waiting for the chance to enter
but I let them know that they will be able to come and if they HAVE to come now, to come
but i want them to have the better life
so i show them in my dreams...my vision of us together
us lying in the bed together and waking up when we're done sleeping
cooking them good, whole, nutritious food and going for walks and shopping and playing
morning and afternoon naps on daddy's chest and sniff sniff sniffs from the dog
quiet mornings listening to daddy snore while we munch on muffins and drink milk waiting for the sun to rise
sunny, shiney days out at the farmer's market with you slinged on my chest or back or runnin and fun playing out in the yard or park with the puppy, our laughter belting the air
learning you, learning me
do i have a romantic view of us, of our possible future life?
i might, hard times will come too, but i want those as well
you crying on my chest or fussin at me or me fussing at you in the morning because the bed snuggles too fine
sniffles and tears while I sort out your fluffy, cottony, coily, curly hair when you'd rather be playing or romping around the house
falls, bumps, bruises..admonishments, disciplining, and frustration will come
as we try to learn each other as we live our life
scary tragedies and even spirit breaking losses may even come
but we will have each other, we will be together, some how, some way
and i am here, because i am your yeye
You can trust in me to ease your fears, to comfort you, to hold you and to keep you warm and sheltered
You can trust in me to tell me your dreams, to help them come true, to treasure your smile and to work hard to show you love at all times
I will love your daddy hard and at all times, to show you that marriage is glorious
we're building for you
a happy mama and daddy, who love themselves, love their lives, are healthy and prosperous to bring as many cocoa babies into our lives as we can
to shape and to mold and to share and to love
To love
I want to love you more than anything
And that starts now
But Lord knows I wish you were already in my belly
so that i can start lavishing my love on you
I want to sing you songs and rock my hips and rub my belly to answer your kicks, hiccups, and rolls
I want to see the pride in your daddy's eyes and his excited anticipation when we realize our labor and birth journey has finally begun with THAT contraction
I am so tired of waiting....I can hardly wait for you
I cant wait to find out what you are about
But alas im still here..communication with you from another world
You will be here soon one day
Until then, i will keep building
Building the life in which we will thrive
Because one day soon...I wont have to wait no longer
You will be here in my arms
and I will cry and laugh in disbelief and awe
Then the record of life will be pressed on fast forward and i will say
SLOW DOWN! lol and wish that I could rewind and stop everything from going by too fast
but until then, I wait.