My four agreements

Ok, so I am going to attempt to blog about me finishing 2013 living according to the four goals, or int his case, agreements Ive made with myself to redesign my life.

And they are (in no particular order):

1. Establish my homestead

2. Launch my business and quit my job

3. Train for strength and speed

4. Strengthen my marriage

I will be blogging on what i did each day for these each of these 4 agreements.

Today, I:

Picked up the bedroom and bedroom closet, did laundry and all the dishes.

Logged into morning mastermind call

Completed day 27 of PLP challenge

Gave hubby a long kiss goodnight and let him know I missed him during the day.


Tomorrow my goals are to:

Finish the laundry and pick up the living room, start buttermilk culture, buy chicken quarters and lettuce for lunches

Listen and take notes of a live seller call webinar and listen to a chapter of The Slight Edge

Celebration with hubby and play a video game

Complete cycle 1, week 3 of 5/3/1 training (205 deadlift with at least 3 reps, and 70 OHP with at least 3 reps)

I can DO THIS!

Entering my Jesus Year (33 years old)

So...in less than a half hour (as Im writing this), I will be turning 33 years old.  This, in recent pop culture is being referred to as "The Jesus Year".   I like this term and I find it endearing because I can identify with what its supposed to mean.

I feel like Ive been in this weird limbo.  Not happy with where i am, knowing what I dont want from where Ive been and knowing what I have to do to get where I believe Im called to be.  People have been blogging and taking their Jesus Year in various ways.  The shared theme is that your Jesus Year is the time to manifest what you are....and what you are supposed to be doing with your life.

This is me.  I am bursting with changes that I need to make in my life and up until now, Ive played with it.  But now is really the time to manifest.

And this is with everything in my life....business wise, financially, relationally, spiritually, mentally, physically, everything.

A little bit earlier tonight, I asked myself just what and where do I want to be exactly one year from now.  I thought about it and all the while, I kept telling myself, "This is possible, it is ALL possible."  I have to stop thinking the things I want to birth in my life are most likely not going to happen.  They can happen just because I WANT them to happen.

I've written them down.

I've visualized them.

I've spoken them out loud and to others.

I've planned for them.

Now its time to make them happen.

So yea.  This is my Jesus Year.  I welcome it.  I'm thankful God allowed me to see it.  I'm thankful that Jesus took his own "Jesus Year" seriously.  I want to do the same.

Ok, so I know that anything I plan for can and will change but this is where and what I want to be exactly one year from now.

-fulltime real estate investor

-still happily married to my husband

-newly pregnant with our first child

-all debt paid off

-have celebrated our 9th anniversary in Anguilla

-celebrating my 34th birthday in a posh hotel either in our home city, a chocolate city (Atlanta?), or island (PR or DR?)

-own a puppy

-have a thriving container garden

-still volunteering with the club

-completed(ing) a permaculture design course

-be at least on intermediate strength for lifting

This is kind of a short list, but yea.

*deep breath*  My Jesus Year starts now.

A poem/letter of sorts to my future unborn....

Im not pregnant, but i wrote this back in 2009 and it still applies to how i feel today:







I want to be pregnant
I am so tired of watching people having their babies...baby after baby while I WAIT
I wait and i wait and I wait
Im in such a NON-RUSH that i feel like im going backwards
how much longer do I have to wait
why cant i do the things that will hasten this process?
I hate waiting, i must admit
but Lord, i promise that if i get pregnant, i will cherish that process
Loving the fact that i would be carrying a life inside me, growing everyday
every craving, every mood swing, every inch of growth would be because im bringing a new life into this world
i cant even imagine
i feel like fainting just from the happiness and unbelievability of it
what does it feel like to BE such a vessel?
knowing that every bite of food i eat, every thing that i drink, each second of rest that i get, every breath that i take would be in contribution to growing a human being
WOW
is this just something most women take for granted?
how do they get through the day knowing they carry such an important task?
I would be freaked out about everything
and yet i know that babies grow despite of us
but WOW, to know that you are growing a life....a life.....A NEW LIFE and that in mere months you will bring them into this world...AAAAH, THAT is AWESOME
God is so good to give this ability to us women...and that potentially one day, I COUD BE THAT WOMAN
I will be given that ability to create and grow a life.
To be the incubator of the future
To rub my belly, smile, inwardly speak to my baby and plan. TO PLAN A LIFE!
I know that even the things I do right now are helping to plan and mold that life
but it seems soooo far off,...so unrealistic....i cant wrap my mind around it
all i know is that I want to live a certain life for my babies.
I want to BE there for my babies and that includes shaping my life in such a way that I have the flexibility and ability to do that
and thas why I am waiting
I am waiting to give my babies a brighter day than I had
to give my babies all of me and to show them the world, the way I wish someone had showed me
i know they are waiting on me. I hear them whispering about me when i try to sleep at night
they hover over my womb waiting for the chance to enter
but I let them know that they will be able to come and if they HAVE to come now, to come
but i want them to have the better life
so i show them in my dreams...my vision of us together
us lying in the bed together and waking up when we're done sleeping
cooking them good, whole, nutritious food and going for walks and shopping and playing
morning and afternoon naps on daddy's chest and sniff sniff sniffs from the dog
quiet mornings listening to daddy snore while we munch on muffins and drink milk waiting for the sun to rise
sunny, shiney days out at the farmer's market with you slinged on my chest or back or runnin and fun playing out in the yard or park with the puppy, our laughter belting the air
learning you, learning me
do i have a romantic view of us, of our possible future life?
i might, hard times will come too, but i want those as well
you crying on my chest or fussin at me or me fussing at you in the morning because the bed snuggles too fine
sniffles and tears while I sort out your fluffy, cottony, coily, curly hair when you'd rather be playing or romping around the house
falls, bumps, bruises..admonishments, disciplining, and frustration will come
as we try to learn each other as we live our life
scary tragedies and even spirit breaking losses may even come
but we will have each other, we will be together, some how, some way
and i am here, because i am your yeye
You can trust in me to ease your fears, to comfort you, to hold you and to keep you warm and sheltered
You can trust in me to tell me your dreams, to help them come true, to treasure your smile and to work hard to show you love at all times
I will love your daddy hard and at all times, to show you that marriage is glorious
we're building for you
a happy mama and daddy, who love themselves, love their lives, are healthy and prosperous to bring as many cocoa babies into our lives as we can
to shape and to mold and to share and to love
To love
I want to love you more than anything
And that starts now
But Lord knows I wish you were already in my belly
so that i can start lavishing my love on you
I want to sing you songs and rock my hips and rub my belly to answer your kicks, hiccups, and rolls
I want to see the pride in your daddy's eyes and his excited anticipation when we realize our labor and birth journey has finally begun with THAT contraction
I am so tired of waiting....I can hardly wait for you
I cant wait to find out what you are about
But alas im still here..communication with you from another world
You will be here soon one day
Until then, i will keep building
Building the life in which we will thrive
Because one day soon...I wont have to wait no longer
You will be here in my arms
and I will cry and laugh in disbelief and awe
Then the record of life will be pressed on fast forward and i will say
SLOW DOWN! lol and wish that I could rewind and stop everything from going by too fast
but until then, I wait.

So how's things going?

Things are good here, me thinks. Just had a really great Thanksgiving dinner that I whipped up (and am STILL eating on 3 days later lol). I'm hoping that this time next year will be drastically different in that i will be self employed fulltime, newly preggers and maybe not cooking the entire meal but visiting fam or friends for the holiday and just relaxing and basking my newfound glow (cue singing birds and hopping bunny rabbits lol). I get overwhelmed with everything I have to do between then and now so I try not to ruminate on it so much lol.

As far as my eating plan, its been going ok, but I could step it up. Ive been taking the 2 brazil nuts a day, lots of raw milk and grass-fed butter, i had sardines last week and ive been taking half my magnesium supplement dose that i need about daily (i suck at swallowing pills so this is huge for me lol). Ive been keeping the chicken broth coming, pastured meats and an egg a day (sorta). But ive been slipping on going to the gym (*cough* havent gone yet*cough*), getting my fish, cod liver oil, chicken liver, oysters and salmon roe in and doing my daily quiet/prayer time. But hey, everyday is a new day to try again right?

But I gotta get serious about this baby stuff, Im now 32 and truly, really, i REALLY wanna be pregnant or at least trying by this time next year. FA SERIOUS. My biological clock isnt ticking, it has exploded already lol.

There has been a small baby book in my dept at work and its been kinda awkward to watch these ladies get pregnant, go through pregnancy, have their babies, go on maternity leave and show off their babies and then return. One lady in particular i felt severely...i dunno...jealous of, i dunno and i dont even really talk to her like that but for some reason, when she came in with her husband and newborn i was HIGHLY umcomfortable...like wanted to go cry uncomfortable. Maybe I was ovulating, i dunno. But that SUCKED. I dont need to be jealous of anyone...anything that they have, I can have and then some, i know that. But LAWD my ovaries were PISSED! lol Like, I dont even wanna be around a newborn or hold a newborn, or even give the precious pennies I have away for someone else's baby shower (that im not close with anyway). The way ive reasoned it is the only baby I wanna coo over, cradle and support with my monies IS MY OWN BABY. PERIOD. That sounds really nasty and petty dont it? But thas how I feel. Dont get me wrong, im really happy for these women, they are my age (which probably makes me feel even more a way about it lol), they are lovely women and their babies are gorgeous, but someone who has literally been in baby lust FOR YEARS, I have little patience for celebrating others' bundles of joy. Im hoping this changes once we have our own, cause WOOO, i feel like a b****! lol Smh.

Any other Pre-TTCers go through this?

Get prepared

Thas what dropped into my spirit today. Sounds woo-woo, but I'm a believer so, yea lol. Sooooo, let me go ahead and drop in my fertility eating plans so I at least know where to go when I need to be reminded.

I'm a planner by default and a preparer anyway but this motherhood thing is like THE tallest mountain. Like, tryna fathom bringing another human being in this world through my body is THE most surreal, out of this world thing I can imagine. But yet, I am SO ready to do it.

So, here I am, on the cusp, as it were. We aren't ready to start trying TONIGHT (well, he is but I aint lol) but like i said, I need to get ready, cause hey, I cant plan EVERYTHING. ;)

My usual diet is pretty clean in that I try to limit processed foods, IF im in the grocery store, I shop the parameter, but I usually shop at the farmer's market and straight from the farm. I dont subscribe to the ever popular Lipid Hypothesis, so i eat pretty high fat, including lots of animal fats. So for the fertility eating, its very high fat, very fish rich, organ meat rich, rich in general because basically I am building the nutrient stores that my baby will conceive and begin grow in.

Preconception care and planning in the US is just starved (literally and figuratively) but if you look to any other country and traditional culture in the world, they do THE MOST to prepare a couple to conceive including saving some of the most sacred foods for them to eat in order to conceive. Those foods include foods from the sea, organ meats (think liver, heart, kidney, etc), and full fat dairy and eggs during the high grass season in the spring. Some cultures would not even let a couple marry until this particular time of year JUST so that they could be shored up with eating these things in time to marry. Even if the tribe was land locked, they would travel and barter and negotiate with sea faring tribes for the coveted seafood.

So I am MOST definitely gonna get my eat on. Along with creating a great environment to creating a baby, some lifestyles changes will also help. Of COURSE keeping fit is numero uno behind a great diet in building a healthy baby as well as keeping my health going once I do conceive. SOOO many women either dont work out or STOP working out once they begin TTCing because they been told or believe that that would hurt the baby. NOT SOOO! I can go on about this but, keeping fit is KEY (also, Kegels are not the end all, be all, ladies). Also keeping stress down (you got to pray just to make it today! lol), minimizing environmental toxins (Mr. Clean is NOT the business!), and possibly taking supplements (prenatals are ok, but are mostly peed out lol. Whole food, slow releasing supplements are a bit better.) are also super important.

Anywho, here I go, here's my eating plan on the road to TTCing:

homemade chicken broth daily
homemade milk kefir daily
green salad w/veggies with plenty of EVOO (for vitamin E) based dressing daily
chicken liver mousse (shouts out to Julia Child) at least twice a week
coconut oil fudge piece daily (yum!)
fermented Cod liver oil daily (at least a teaspoon)
Brazil nuts ONLY 1 or 2 each day for selenium
Lemon juice, fresh squeezed, 1 tsp. in every glass of water or smoothie (cleansing and ph balancing)
Raw local honey, 1 Tbls at bedtime.
1 egg a day at least (WITH the yolk, runny please, yum!)
Red Raspberry Leaf Infusions, 1 cup per day.
Nettle Leaf Infusions (i'll probably change this to Red clover once ready to conceive), 1 cup per day.
Wild Alaskan Salmon, at least once a week.
Sardines in olive oil at least once a week
Oysters at least once a week
Fresh clams at least once a month
lots of grass-fed butter (preferably raw)
lots of grass-fed cream (preferably raw) - can you say ICE CREAM! lol
lots of raw milk
some grass-fed cheese (preferably raw)
consume salmon roe at least once every couple weeks
sweetbreads (organ meats) when I can
grass-fed/pastured meats (beef, chicken, pork, lamb, turkey)
filtered water

Some environmental/lifestyle changes needed are
GET MY BUTT BACK IN THE DANGED GYM! lol - if i do this right, I can be gorgeous in time for bikini season lol
Epsom salt baths for the sulfate once a week
filtered shower and bath tub faucets
daily prayer/quiet time
magnesium supplements (supposedly also reduces body order and deepens your sleep!)
folate supplement (cause i know im not gonna eat perfect)

Ok, so I think thas it, as far as the road to motherhood goes. I hope I can incorporate all of this and keep it up until we are ready to try! (hopefully by this time next year, yikes! lol)

Im back!

So yea, the 30 days of blogging didnt work out, i guess i just need to get in the habit of blogging period, so maybe I will do that at another time.

At any rate, Ive been kinda in the rut as far as my baby bucket goals....i mean, ive been working on my business, but not really, i havent been tot he gym since before my last post (boooo!) and i havent started my sourdough starter (looking to start this weekend).

But say all this to say, hubby basically is like...baby ready. Basically, he let it be known that he's waiting on me. So now what do I do? Its like i get reminded about this every few months and then i feels like my life is NO WHERE NEAR READY.

But really, the only thing I want in place before a TTCing for a baby is getting my business profitable. I NEED to know that I can make my own money because ONCE I become pregnant, i fully plan on leaving corporate america. I cant imagine being pregnant, let alone the dreaded 1st trimester!, and dealing with stresses, frustrations, and silliness of working for someone else. I KNOW that people all around the world do this all day everyday but *I* dont want to be one of them lol. There are/were pregnant ladies in my office, hell im covering for one right now until she returns from maternity leave. There have been an odd amount of preterm and even STILL birth going on and i wonder if our work environment has anything to do with that. My job SAYS that they support families, but we JUST got a dedicated lactation room and there is still no real maternity OR paternity leave...you just have to take short term disability (since when is birthing a child a disability?). Then once they drop the baby, they get bothered here and there while they are out on maternity leave and more often than not, these women come back early out of fear or...whatever from leave only to plop their beautiful baby at home with whomever or in the nearest daycare to start the hectic life of juggling corporate america and family life (cause the two SUCK in America at blending well). There are some that do this dance seemlessly and every parenting while working choice has its advantages and drawbacks, I just so happen to like the drawbacks of being self-employed better than working in corporate america.

Sooo yea, here I am, broody with nowhere to go, lol. I gotta get in the gym, i gotta start eating better, I gotta relieve my stress and I gotta become profitable at my biz. That is the order for the rest of 2011. Hopefully, this time next year, we will have a lil mtoto hanging out in my belly :D

30 Day challenge

Ok, i really need to get back on my grind with this blog, lol. Life has been going on, a lil better, but still a long way to go, but hey baby steps are cool right? lol

Anyway, i thought i'd participate in this 30 day blog challenge that is going around to get me in the habit of blogging because i think it would be really beneficial to me and to the future me to see how far Ive come. Anyway, here's what to expect:

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently. A letter to someone who broke my heart.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

Just a quick update on things with me, im still working my 9 to 5, pushing everyday with that, tryna keep the household running. I fell off from the gym so i gotta get back on that. Ive been falling off with cooking, so i DEFINITELY need to get back on that. But ive been making new friends with a local meetup group in my area, so thas a positive, ew thing that im doing. Also, ive been trying to visualize my life how I would it to be in the future and im doing my best to LIVE what i want to happen now. Im finally growing my hair out, decided to leave the barber alone, even tho she's great, and since hubby likes her, he may go back for beard trips, so i may use her for eyebrow maintenance, until i get better at it lol. There's a possible family reunion happening in South Carolina next summer for my family so I'd like to attend that (we shall see). Oh and sometime between now and the end of this year, we are gonna try and make our way to AZ to visit my in laws (another we shall see).

Anywho, ON with the 30 day blogging challenge! lol